Even if both individuals can be civil about the process or you have a great divorce lawyer who handles many of the details, divorce is rarely easy. For one thing, you’re putting an end to a pretty major relationship in your life, and that comes with some emotional baggage for most people. PhD Andra Brosh shared some tips for getting through divorce when things get emotional earlier this year via Divorced Magazine.
Dr. Brosh points out that for many people, their former spouse provided some type of emotional support. Maybe it wasn’t perfect emotional support, but if it was any support, it was present in your life and you’ll feel its loss even if you don’t realize it. She recommends working to replace that support with a healthy support structure that doesn’t include your ex.
To do that, you have to stop engaging in certain ways with your ex. Following divorce, it can be easy to fall into old habits with your ex, especially with regard to arguments. While you should still stand up for yourself and your children with regard to safety or custody issues, you can no longer fall into arguing about each other’s habits and you should avoid dredging up past issues. You should also avoid the other extreme — falling into romantic or relationship-style rhythms with someone who you aren’t in a relationship with anymore.
Finally, Dr. Brosh says you should focus on the present. Instead of worrying constantly about the past and mistakes either of you made, work on a better future for yourself. If you still have contact with your ex because children or shared work or social situations are involved, work on developing a new and more healthy interaction.
Before you can move into the future, you have to finalize your divorce. A family law professional can help you get through divorce without giving up everything that is meaningful to you.
Source: Divorce Magazine, “5 Tips for Surviving Your Emotional Divorce,” Andra Brosh, Ph.D., accessed Oct. 07, 2016